John Cleese’s Subscription Website

Veteran Comedian John Cleese—best know as the creator of silly walks, The Ministry of Silly Names, Fawlty Towers, and innumerable Monty Python sketches—has launched a very silly subscription website for his fans.

For nearly $50 annually, members have access to streaming video of Cleese performing in both new and classic comedy routines.

“Fifty dollars annually?” you might ask.

“Come on, you tightwad, treat yourself. You’re worth it!” the site screams back.

TheJohnCleese.com reflects both his personal philosophy and his unique, irreverent sense of humor. Church and religion and among his favorite foils.

Yes, it’s TheJohnCleese.com. Apparently, JohnCleese.com has been hijacked by an impersonator. Not funny!

The real John Cleese says he is hoping to add something new to his site nearly every day, including audio and video sketches. Some of the content here is free; most is members-only.

Come on, you tightwad, treat yourself. You’re worth it!

Membership includes access to the community, message boards, periodical chat rooms with John, family vacation footage, behind the scenes “making of” video and more.

Corporate and Group Memberships

“Fruit of the Month is nice but Laugh of the Week from Club Cleese might just be the lasting impression your company wants to make. Memberships to TheJohnCleese.com make a great gift!” So says Cleese.

The site offers 10 memberships for the price of nine—US $449.73. (“Plus a 10 percent discount for those of you who failed math.”)

Details at TheJohnCleese.com.

Pick your favorite caveat from TheJohnCleese.com

[text_ad]

“We, the Lawyers for The Lemurs would also like to remind you of the following facts about this website:

Humans must be kept on leash at all times. Contents my settle during shipping. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Not responsible for loss or damage. Professional driver on closed course. Enter at your own risk. Wrong way – go back! May cause nausea, vomiting, temporary deafness, warts, incontinence. Check with your Doctor before beginning any diet. Do not take if pregnant or thinking of becoming pregnant. PG 13. No Lifeguard on duty. All minors must be accompanied by an adult. Seat belts required, both front and rear. This message will be saved for 30 days only (voice mail prompt). Must be taller than this line to ride. Mind your head, Mind the step. Hard hat area. 24 hour surveillance camera in operation. Caution: hot beverage. May contain substances known to cause cancer in the state of California. No stopping at any time. Driver only carries $20 in change. Trespassers will be prosecuted. No spitting. All fighting to be over by 10 p.m. (I have a picture of this sign). Tow away area. All passengers ride for the price of one. Heavy bags $20 extra. Helmets required for children under 8 (bicycle hire in California). Inspect vehicle prior to leaving the lot. Collision damage waiver not included (initial here). Do feed the animals. Please. No cash value. Must be 18 or over to play. Not negotiable. No child labor was used in the manufacture of this website. Void where prohibited. Not valid unless signed by cardholder. Must be present to win. Call 800 for roadside assistance. Caffeine free. Sodium free. Low cal, low carb. Check ID. Use only as directed. Store at room temperature. For oral inhalation only. Smoking can damage your health. Do not try this at home. Lost ticket pays maximum. No overnight parking. Non-transferable. Non-refundable. This contract limits all liability. Operator assumes no responsibility or liability for loss or damage to belongings or contents whether caused by theft, fire or any other causes. Please read all instructions and warnings before use. Must be 18 years of age or older to proceed further. Enter at your own risk. Do not enter. Speed limit – 28.8 or higher. Stop here on red. Hostess will seat you. Trucks over 4 tons excluded. Some assembly required. This is a test of the emergency broadcast system – this is ONLY A TEST! List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Use only as directed. For indoor or outdoor use only. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. We make no other warranties, expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Postal service will not deliver mail without postage. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. All investment is at risk. May be too intense for some viewers. See other side for additional listings. This product is meant for educational purposes only. For recreational use only. For office use only. For entertainment purposes only. Only 1 winner per household. Do not disturb. All models are over 18 years of age. Apply only to infected areas. If condition persists, consult your physician. High altitude directions — increase cook time by 10 minutes. This is not an attorney advertisement or referral service. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Pricing subject to change. Times are approximate. Do not disturb. Simulated picture. Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop. The call you have made requires a 20-cent deposit. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. Do not block intersection. Don’t even think about parking here. No parking when road is snow covered. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Product will be hot after heating. Do not iron clothes on body. Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine. Do not use while sleeping. Do not use on food. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-Tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. Insert this end first. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Caveat emptor. Provided “as-is” without warranty. Reader assumes full responsibility. We are an equal opportunity employer. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory – explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one per family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. Process promptly. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Webmaster is also not responsible for items left, lost or stolen. At participating locations only. Sold by weight, not by volume. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. This web site rated ‘R’ for Mature audiences. Do not take with alcohol. Sealed for your protection – do not use if safety seal is broken. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Use seatbelts even with airbags. Do not stop on railroad tracks. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Employees must wash hands before returning to work. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Filmed in front of a live, studio audience. Call now to ensure prompt delivery. Leave off the last S for savings. Calls may be monitored for quality assurance or training purposes. Please make your selections from the following menu. All representatives are still busy assisting other callers. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you when they feel the need. Please call back during our normal business hours. No passes accepted for this engagement. Do not use this product with a petroleum based lubricant. No animals were harmed in the preparation of this web site; only humans. Discontinue use if nausea or dizziness occurs. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. No soliciting. Bridge freezes before road surface. Stop, get ticket. Right lane must turn right. Left lane must turn left. Buses and carpools with two or more people only. No hitchhiking. Components may be hot. Silica gel – do not eat. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Details on reverse side. Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. We reserve the right to check all bags, coats & personal belongings upon exiting this page. Recycle. Fragile – handle with care. This side up. No jumping or diving. No running by the pool. Register has less than $50 after dark. Swim at your own risk! Please do not wade in fountain. Guaranteed low prices. Not transferable. Actual size not shown. Contents under pressure. Do not intentionally inhale vapors. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Please be kind, rewind. Check here if tax deductible. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include tax. Hand wash only – tumble dry on low heat. No Canadian coins. Short circuit may cause fire. No more than 3 transactions per car. Not recommended for small children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No alcohol, dogs or horses. Not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. Blackout dates may apply. Viewing by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth and low birth weight. First pull up, then pull down. Insert Tab A into Slot B. Call toll free number before digging. This space (____________) intentionally left blank. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Doors do not rebound or bounce back. Your mileage may vary. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don’t quote me on that. Don’t quote me on anything. All rights reserved. Patent pending. For external use only. Avoid extreme temperatures. Avoid contact with eyes and skin. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a magnetic source. Smoking could be hazardous to your health. Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, induce vomiting. Ribbed for her pleasure. Offer valid only at participating locations. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. You may distribute this article freely, but may not make a profit from it. Actual cash value of this website is 1/1000th of a cent. Listen to your mom. Eat your veggies. Wear your seatbelt. Don’t take candy from strangers… or strange people… or anyone really. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life and move on. This list was current at the time of printing. Terms are subject to change without notice. All decisions are final! This supersedes all previous notices. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, or other acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use, incorrect line voltage, unauthorized use, unauthorized repair, improper installation, typos, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, disk failure, accidental file deletions, mud slides, forest fire, hitting of a deer, milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking, or projectiles, which can include, but are not limited to, arrows, bullet shots, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.

“Thank you.”